A Universal Social Rule: Don’t Over-Analyze Others

In life, do you find yourself doing this:

When your boss criticizes a certain phenomenon in a meeting, you can’t help but think they’re targeting you, leaving you anxious and restless;

When a friend occasionally replies to your messages late, you assume they’re deliberately distancing themselves, causing you to feel insecure;

When a colleague posts something on social media, you think certain phrases are directed at you, leaving you sullen all day.

A single word, action, or even facial expression from others immediately triggers dozens of possible interpretations in your mind. This not only creates misunderstandings in relationships but also traps you in endless mental exhaustion.

Psychologist Jiang Liang proposed a concept: “Step out of the script.”

Each of us has our own script and tends to analyze others through our own cognitive lens. If we become too immersed in this, we lose sight of the real world.

Most of the time, the anxiety in our minds is just an illusion we’ve woven for ourselves—in reality, people barely have time to notice you.

When dealing with others, there’s no need to over-analyze them. The more you speculate, the more you drain your mental energy; the deeper you think, the more energy you consume.

01

In his short story “The Death of a Government Clerk,” Chekhov portrayed a sensitive minor civil servant.

The protagonist accidentally sneezed while watching a play, spraying saliva onto a general’s head.

He was immediately terrified and quickly apologized to the general.

The general didn’t mind at all, waved his hand dismissively, and continued watching the play.

However, the clerk interpreted this seemingly casual hand gesture as expressing dissatisfaction with him.

So he apologized even more earnestly.

The general, feeling helpless, told him: “Oh, please sit down! Let me watch the play!”

The clerk became even more panicked, now certain that the general was angry with him.

For the next three days, he kept apologizing to the general.

By the sixth time, the general was thoroughly annoyed and said irritably: “Oh, enough! I’ve already forgotten about it, yet you keep going on!”

But Chervyakov analyzed: “He says he’s forgotten, but there’s a fierce glint in his eyes!”

In this way, Chervyakov was literally scared to death by his own analysis.

Sensitivity is like a double-edged sword—while it provides rich perception, it also means being more easily invaded and falling into the swamp of self-denial and mental exhaustion.

Writer Matsuura Yataro said:

“Life’s predicaments are nothing more than shackles you’ve created for yourself through overthinking.”

Most of our social troubles actually stem from our own hypersensitivity and over-analysis.

Many things aren’t complicated, but we imagine numerous details and add many assumptions until the truth becomes unrecognizable, serving only to increase our mental burden without any benefit.

Don’t create drama for yourself—you don’t have as many audience members as you think.

Luo Xiang once said:

“To put it bluntly, in others’ eyes, you’re actually not as important as you imagine yourself to be.”

When dealing with people, retract your sensitive antennae. All your analysis and speculation are just illusions.

02

Chen Yu, the youngest Chinese supermodel in Victoria’s Secret history, had a French colleague who said to her face when she first started walking runways:

“Wow! Your thighs are just like an athlete’s thighs.”

Chen Yu was confused and, after analyzing for a long time, especially considering the colleague’s exaggerated tone, concluded that this was mockery about her thick legs.

She quietly distanced herself from that colleague and began deliberately dieting, constantly adjusting her walk and changing her style.

But the more she did this, the more she felt her performance was deteriorating.

It wasn’t until one day when Chen Yu overheard that French colleague praising her leg lines to someone else in the bathroom that she realized the colleague had been genuinely complimenting her from the beginning.

Actually, Chen Yu had initially liked this straightforward French colleague, but her own assumptions had kept their relationship distant.

She decided never to over-analyze others’ words again, and even when she had doubts, she would ask directly.

From then on, her condition improved, and her interpersonal relationships became smoother.

Being obsessed with analyzing others’ words and actions, and over-analyzing others’ thoughts and behavioral motives, inevitably leads to the following results:

First, it complicates simple matters and creates more and more imaginary enemies.

Second, it exaggerates your own problems, magnifying your mistakes and failures.

Milan Kundera once said: “Surrendering yourself to others’ judgment is the root of anxiety and doubt.”

Caring too much about external opinions will only make you waver and hesitate.

When we turn down external voices to minimum and focus on what we want, we can live comfortably in our own rhythm and act with integrity.

03

Cornell University once conducted an experiment.

Participants were asked to wear T-shirts with exaggerated celebrity portraits and walk into a room full of students.

The participants felt deeply embarrassed, thinking that all the students in the room would notice their strange attire.

They believed others’ whispers were gossiping about them, and others’ body language was pointing fingers at them.

However, according to survey statistics, only 23% of people noticed them.

In fact, everyone has their own life to be busy with.

Caring too much about others’ opinions will only cause you to gradually lose yourself in their world.

Psychologist Wu Zhihong told a story about a detail-oriented woman.

When reporting work, she noticed her boss frown while looking at the report, and she anxiously speculated whether her work was too poor.

She worried about this all morning until the boss praised her by name in the group chat in the afternoon.

After returning from fieldwork, she found colleagues drinking bubble tea and immediately felt isolated.

She began reflecting on what she might have done wrong, even feeling melancholy: “Sure enough, nobody likes me.”

Unexpectedly, after work, colleagues invited her to eat her favorite hot pot.

Once, a mentor who had been helping her was on a business trip and texted asking her to help change a document’s format.

She saw the text much later and nervously apologized to her mentor, who simply said: “It’s okay, no need now.”

This made her feel even more guilty, and after hanging up, she kept thinking the mentor must be disappointed.

After much thought, she sent the mentor a several-hundred-word message explaining and apologizing.

The mentor had to solemnly explain that she really didn’t mind at all.

If a person can’t manage their thoughts well, they’ll fall into infinite internal consumption and lose the power to control their life.

Over-interpreting simple things only makes them more complex; over-interpreting sad things only makes them sadder.

Meeting people with fate, handling matters with heart—this is how to live calmly and accept gains and losses with equanimity.

▽

Yu Hua wrote in “To Live”:

“Life belongs to each person’s own feelings, not to anyone else’s opinions.”

Living for just over 30,000 days, pleasing yourself is the greatest respect for life.

There’s no need to over-analyze others, and even less need to revolve around others’ opinions.

Learn to empower yourself, take care of your own needs and feelings, then manage circles that suit you with a composed and natural attitude.

When you are extremely honest, that’s when you become invincible.